The Oddest Notion
by miss selah
Summary: Destiny is unstoppable. Everyone has to give in. Give up. Let life win.


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The Oddest Notion

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She wanted to die.

As the rain fell in soft sheets around her, she was surprised that the urge was so powerful. The urge to die. To simply be wiped clean. To have a fresh start somewhere, in another life, in another time, with another man.

Inuyasha was dead.

He had fallen to Sesshoumaru. Slaughtered by his brethren for being what he was. A hybrid of the strongest kind. The power of a demon with the body of a human. Unable to control his powers, it would have been only a few short years before Inuyasha would have gone mad with lust and destroyed himself in the worst way possible. She supposed that she should have been happy that his death had been reletively swift, and hopefully painless, as Sesshoumaru had reassured her after the fact.

He hadn't needed to explain. Kagome would hace been just fine not knowing. Better, in fact. She would have had someone to hate. She could have loathed Sesshoumaru, hated him and had her children someday despise him too. But no. Sesshoumaru had been ever the responsible one, protecting thousands of lives by destroying one.

Kagome couldn't hate him. He hadn't needed to explain his reasons for killing Inuyasha, but he had. He could have lied. He could have had his face shown a quiet sense of stotic ice, like she was used to. But no, the pain had been as evident on his face as it had been on hers.

And it had been sickeningly apparent, as Inuyasha took his last breath, that Sesshoumaru _did_ in fact have a heart. . .

Kagome wondered why life was so cruel, why she sat there in the darkness, longing to cry out, to scream until her throat was raw and bloodied, to condemn the gods in the heavens for stealing everything from her. But no. . . She sat there, not doing anything.

Her chest felt like it was weighed down, like a heavy block of lead was upon it. But no, she was alone, and she realized and slowly began to accept that she would always be alone.

But then, as if the fates just _had_ to prove her wrong, she became aware that she _wasn't_ alone. Someone else was there with her.

There was a soft rustling of clothe. Kagome felt a demonic presence sweep over her, and she knew who he was.

"What do you want, Lord Sesshoumaru?" Kagome asked, never averting her gaze from the stars in the heavens.

He didn't speak- but then, she hadn't expected him to. They sat alone in the darkness in silence, both mourning the hanyou who never really got the chance to live.

"Do you miss him?" Kagome asked after a long moment.

Sesshoumaru said nothing.

Smiling, Kagome began to speak mpre to herself than to him. "I do. I miss the way he got angry about the little things. . . I miss the way he _had_ to find the shikon jewel. . . I miss the way he would always bother me at home. . ." Kagome frowned as the tears formed anew in her eyes. "I miss him."

Sesshoumaru, obviously uncomfortable by her tears, began to speak. "I didn't know my. . . _brother_. . . that well. I have been told that he was an exceptional person. . . for a hanyou, that is."

Kagome nodded. "He was kind. . . even if he showed it only through anger."

Sesshoumaru looked away, and Kagome smiled. _Sesshoumaru was kind too. . . even if he only showed it through silence._

"I would like to. . . hear more about him. About his life, and the things he did." Sesshoumaru said, quietly commanding her to tell him about his brother.

Kagome smiled. "I don't know where to begin. He loved. . . he loved very deeply."

"He loved you?" Sesshoumaru asked.

Kagome shook her head. "No. He loved Kikyo."

There was a moment of silence. "Does this. . . _Kikyo_ know he has passed?"

Kagome shook her head. "Kikyo is dead, too."

Another silence wore on between them.

"Did you love him?"

Kagome smiled up at Sesshoumaru. "I would think the answer to _that_ would be rather obvious, Lord Sesshoumaru."

Sesshoumaru didn't meet her eyes, but he did speak again. "I wonder why he didn't love you back."

Kagome blinked. She hadn't expected Sesshoumaru, lord of the ice, to speak at all, let alone compliment _her._ But then, Sesshoumaru had a funny way of surprising her.

"It's odd. . . I probably know more about you than I ever knew of my brother. _You_, who drew our father's sword and brandished it against _me_. You, who always was strong, sometimes strong than he. You, who always stood by his side." Sesshoumaru gave her a sideways look, and it filled her with pride. "He should have been proud to have such great friends."

Kagome smiled. "I hope you don't mind me asking. . . but I've wondered it for a long time now. . . why _didn't_ you ever get to know him?"

Sesshoumaru's eyebrows creased, and Kagome realized that she had made him, if possible, even more uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business."

"No, it's alright." Sesshoumaru said as he watched the sky. "You see, our kind looks down on half breeds because we know ftom the start what there fate will be. . . the are strong, sometimes much stronger than full breeds- but all that demonic strength housed in a human body. . ." Sesshoumaru shuddered only slightly, and Kagome didn't see it. "It kills them slowly. Their human minds can not live in harmony with demonic instincts. . . and once the body starts to change, the mind does as well. If I hadn't killed Inuyasha. . . well, he would have suffered terribly for it. He had already turned, and his body would have soon felt the pains. . . the blood lusts. . ." Kagome was surprised when she looked over to see Sesshoumaru's eyes moist. "It was much more humane to let him die now. I never got to know him because it was easier this way. I didn't get to know him because I didn't want to have to kill someone that I had. . ."

And Kagome understood.

"Is that why you hate humans?" Kagome asked before she realized that she had even been thinking it.

He didn't need to answer. Kagome had come to understand his silence. "I know we die much faster than you do. . . but I think that it would be nice to watch someone live." Kagome stood slowly, brushing the grass from her skirts. "I don't know if I would feel the same way you did about Inuyasha dying. . . I think that it's better to watch someone live, even if you know that they are going to die, if only so that you _could_ watch them live." Kagome smiled. "If I had known that he would have died. . . I wouldn't have changed anything. If anything, I would have spent _more_ time with him. I would have wanted to watch him laugh. I would have wante to see him cry, and get flustered, and angry, and happy, and sad." Kagome looked at Sesshoumaru, and held his eye. "I would have loved him even deeper."

Sesshoumaru turned slightly pink, and Kagome couldn't help teasing him a little bit. "My lord Sesshoumaru. . . are you _blushing?_"

"This Sesshoumaru never blushes." He assured her. "And women are not supposed to speak out loud of their loves." He informed her, turning his head so he could better watch her.

Kagome smiled and nodded. "Yes, Lord Sesshoumaru." She said with a grin. "I suppose I should be getting back to the village. . . it's late. Kaeade – baba will worry about me."

Sesshoumaru turned back to watch the sky, quietly dismissing her. Kagome smiled and only tossed him one backwards glance as she walked back towards the villiage. She was surprised when she walked in to the village that she no longer wanted to die. . . she wanted. . . to _live._ And to watch others live. She giggled and shook her head. _Sometimes you find help in the oddest places!_ She thought with a wry smile, walking towards Kaeade's hut, where she would climb in to bed, and dream pleasant dream sfor the first time in a long time.

But high upon the hillside, Sesshoumaru sat vigilant. He hadn't told Kagome. . . but he _did_ wish that he had known his younger brother. He _did_ wish that he had tried to live with him, even though he had known from the start that he would have had to kill him.

He hadn't told her that he had wanted to watch him live.

He looked to the village, then, where he knew the only thing his brother had left in this world – the miko – was slipping in to sleep.

He couldn't watch his brother live, and he knew that he would never get the opportunity again. But maybe. . .

He could watch _him_ through _her._

Shrugging of the strange thought he leapt skywards in a fluid movement. _What a ridiculous notion_. He thought as he transforms and raced along the clouds. _To watch someone live._

Yet no matter what he said to himself about how foolish the idea was _her_ smiling face wouldn't erase from his mind. He wondered to himself if maybe, just maybe. . .

. . . that the pain after death would be worth it if you got to enjoy the life.

Sesshoumaru landed on the highest balcony of his citadel – his balcony – and transformed back in to a human with a chuckle of amusement.

Humans had the oddest notions.


End file.
